


quiet my fears with the touch of your hand

by lomldrake



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Youtubers, Drunk Sex, Friends to Lovers, Lack of Communication, Like, M/M, Minor Angst, Non-Graphic Smut, One Night Stands, Past Dick Grayson/Koriand'r, Past Stephanie Brown/Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown is a Good Friend, barely any plot, complete lack of communication, heavy on the tim steph friendship, idk the title isn't related to the plot ngl, it's just them being idiots for 4k words, it's like two sentences, it's not actually relevant to the plot tho, minor Jason Todd/Artemis, they're both iditos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:15:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28841499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lomldrake/pseuds/lomldrake
Summary: “Are you going to tell me how you fucked up or do I have to guess?”He sighed. “Got drunk with Dick last night and maybe ended up sleeping with him.”“Maybe?”“Definitly ended up sleeping with him,” he said.-Or Tim and Dick have drunk sex and neiher both pretend hey don't emember it instead of talking about their feelings. Also they're YouTubers.
Relationships: Stephanie Brown & Tim Drake, Tim Drake/Dick Grayson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 65





	quiet my fears with the touch of your hand

Tim downed his glass like it was nothing and Dick was somewhere between impressed and worried, pushing his concerns about his friend's alcohol consumption to the back of his mind, a problem for later, for when he wasn't getting smashed over a dumb game of Truth or Dare as if they were back in High School. 

"Your turn," Tim said, nodding at Dick, eyes lingering on him just a second too long.

Dick raised an eyebrow. "Truth."

Tim leaned back in his chair a little.

He barely remembered how they had ended up here, in Dick's room with vodka and red wine, playing truth or dare like 12 year old girls at a sleepover.

They had been filming for the Group Channel with the others all day and when Jason had told Dick he was staying the night at Artemis' place, Dick had invited Tim over. He didn't like being alone too long ever since his breakup, said he needed the constant distraction.

Not like Tim could ever deny Dick anything.

The vodka had just happened somehow while Tim had stuffed himself with the McDonald's takeout they had gotten on the way home.

"Do you miss Kori?" Tim asked.

There was something in Dick's eyes Tim couldn't quite place and he refused to look at him.

"Not directly. I miss - being with someone? Having someone that's always there you know?" Dick asked.

Tim bit his lower lip.  _ I would always be there _ . He didn't say that though. Never did. Dick was straight for all he knew. 

Dick drank despite having answered the question anyways.

"Fuck," he whispered, feeling the burn in his throat. "Can't believe you actually enjoy drinking this shit."

"It's the best there is," Tim replied, filling his glass up again, mixing some coke in it.

"Truth or Dare?" 

Tim thought for a moment. "Truth."

"Did you actually prefer Steph pegging you over actual sex?" Dick asked, looking smug. 

And Tim, alcohol having taken over most of his actions, smiled back. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"That's why I'm asking," Dick replied. 

"I did," Tim said, placing his glass down on the table. 

Dick raised an eyebrow. There was a hint of surprise on his face but Tim wasn't sure if maybe that wasn't the vodka talking.

They played a few more rounds, quickly bordering on being completely wasted.

Tim could feel the alcohol take him over, his body relaxed in Dick's office chair, mind completely wrapped around Dick. Dick, who was right there to touch, right there for Tim to pull into his arms, right there where Tim could kiss him, could climb into his lap and -

"Dare," Dick said, voice slured and smiling a little.

Tim hummed. "Kiss me."

He was drunk. Wasted. Smashed. Too far gone for reason or logic. But he knew he wasn't far enough gone to forget what he was doing the next day. Not quite yet.

Dick's eyebrows shot up and for a second Tim thought he had fucked up. But then, "Ok."

And Dick was up and he was pressing their lips together and Tim was melting into the kiss. It was everything he had dreamed of and yet it was nothing like he had expected it to be. Dick was careful despite being drunk, gentle but demanding.

The kiss broke and their eyes met.

"Is this ok?" Dick whispered. Tim nodded, unsure what Dick was referring to but he'd agree to whatever Dick wanted at this point.

Dick's hands moved under his shirt, cold fingers running over soft skin.

Everything after that was a blur, a hazzy mix of tangled limbs and sweaty skin and whimpers Tim couldn’t control due to the alcohol, a mix of Dick feeling his entire world spiral when Tim wrapped his mouth around his cock, of uncoordinated movements and tumbling towards the bed. Dick remembered grabbing a condom and lube, remembered starting to prep Tim who was begging for him to hurry, remembered finally pushing in and remembered having to stop himself from saying “I love you” when he came.

-

Dick woke up with two things, a headache, and a pending feeling of regret for the night before. 

Tim was gone. The bed next to him was empty and cold, meaning Tim had been gone for a while as well. 

Dick felt sick and he couldn't tell if it was the hangover or the thought of Tim now hating him.

The memories of the night before weren't clear but they were at least there.

He looked around the room and the first thing he saw was the empty vodka bottle on his desk. He felt like it was taunting him. Reminding him of how badly he had possibly ruined their friendship. 

Next to the bottle was a shirt that Dick did not remember putting there. It took him a few seconds until he realized it was Tim's shirt. But if Tim's shirt was here - that meant Tim had probably gone home in the first shirt he had found, which must have been Dick's. Yeah, Dick was definitely not getting that back. Not that he was going to ask.

He was about to get up when he saw his phone ringing. Tim.  _ Fuck's sake _ . Dick wasn't sure he would be able to talk to Tim right now but he picked up anyways.

There was silence for a few seconds and then a weak "Hi" from Tim.

"Hi," Dick replied, voice just as dry as Tim's.

"I don't really know why I called," Tim admitted. "I just woke up and I don't really remember much after the vodka and I thought I would call you so here we are but now I don't know what to say."

Dick felt sick. Tim didn't even remember it.

"I'm not going to be much of a help with remembering last night," Dick admitted. 

"Don't even know how I got home," Tim said. "At least this time I still have my phone."

Dick chuckled. Last time Tim had been blackout drunk he hadn't just lost his phone, but had also woken up asleep in front of Damian's flat, no one knowing how he had gotten there and why he hadn't knocked to get inside.

"How's the hangover?" Dick asked.

Tim hummed. "Not too bad. Yours?"

"Might as well be dead," he replied. "I'll text you later, alright?"

"Yeah," he hummed. "Later."

Tim hung up and Dick rushed to the toilet to throw up. 

He wasn't sure if it was a good or bad thing that Tim didn't remember it.

-

Tim was pacing up and down in his room, he needed to talk to someone, anyone. Tell them what happened, why he was feeling like this, tell them everyrthing that had been going on. Kon? Bart? No, they see Dick too often. He loved them but they couldn’t keep secrets for shit, it would be a mess. Cassie? Maybe Cissie? But he wasn’t quite close enough to them to feel comfortable with that.

_ Steph. _ Steph who lived on the other side of America, Steph who was working on her music career, Steph who he had once called the love of his life, Steph who was the only person he would trust more than himself.

She probably was tired of it by now, she was however also the only person who knew about his crush in the first place. He hadn’t told her, she had just figured it on her own.  _ ‘Dude I’ve known you for almost a decade, course I see when you’re head over heels for someone’ _ and  _ ‘You look at him the way you used to look at me, you know’ _ .

So he called her. 

“It’s not even 10,” she grumbled in reply. “What do you want?”

He sighed. “I fucked up.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm,” he replied, his hands twitching. 

“Are you going to tell me how you fucked up or do I have to guess?”

He sighed. “Got drunk with Dick last night and maybe ended up sleeping with him.”

“Maybe?”

“Definitly ended up sleeping with him,” he said.

There was silence for a while. Then a deep breath. “He remembers it?”

“Don’t think so,” Tim whispered. “Told him I don’t remember what happened last night either.”

“You’re both dumbasses,” Steph said and Tim could picture her face so perfectly now, her left brow arched like it always was when she thought he wasn’t thinking clear, which he definitly wasn’t right now. “You’re the dumbest smart person I know, Teen Genius my ass.”

“What do I do?”

“If he doesn’t remember there’s no harm done, is there?” Steph asked and Tim shook his head, forgetting he couldn’t even see her right now.

“Then pretend it never happened,” she said. “Unless you want him to know.”

“Thank you,” Tim whispered.

She laughed a little. “You’d be dead without me by now.”

“You’re not wrong there.”

-

The days after that went slow, he recorded some videos for his own channel, a collab for Damian’s second channel where Damian made him guess arab words and Tim made him guess Japanese words in return. He didn’t post much on Twitter or Instagram, a promo for the Song Steph was releasing in a month on his Instagram, a few tweets here and there but nothing much. He uploaded his preschedueled video and started editing some of the other ones.

But watching them back he could see they weren’t as good as his usual ones. He looked tired in them, exhausted. He wasn’t as energetic, didn’t make as many jokes as usual. 

When Friday roled around his weekly stream came up and he dreaded it like nothing else.

However once he had actually set up the stream and loaded up the Sims, he relaxed a little. He explained that he hadn’t been feeling well all week, not sleeping well for some reason and the chat seemed to be rather understanding. 

He didn’t stream the usual five hours that night, ending the stream after less than four and going to be right after. He could see Kon and Bart send him a worried look when he passed them in the hallway and for the first time since moving into the flat he wished he didn’t have roommates.

-

They rarely filmed at Duke's place, but now was one of those times. Dick and Jason's living room was getting renovated and they needed to get some second channel videos in.

Dick and Jason were for once the last ones to arrive, everyone else already sitting around in the living room, setting up the area. 

At first everything seemed normal, until Dick's eyes landed on Tim who was wearing a shirt that was just a little too familiar. 

"You alright?" Duke asked and Dick could only nod in reply.

He wasn't going to comment on the shirt. Or on the fact that he still had Tim's shirt in his room because it kinda smelled like Tim still.

He didn't say anything at all to Tim, too scared he would fuck up and say something he would regret later.

It wasn't like anyone seemed to be noticing it. Maybe Cass did because every once in a while she raised an eyebrow at Dick and Dick decided to ignore that. Even though he knew Cass would probably ask him about it later.

They played "Who's most likely too?" with fan suggestions. Dick tried his best to act as natural as possible. Tim didn't seem to have any problems acting natural. 

And Dick was pretty sure he did a great job at it, all until Damian read out "Who's most likely to swallow?"

"Tim," Jason immediately said.

"What?" Tim exclaimed, throwing his arms up. "Why?"

Jason shrugged. "You're the least straight out of all of us."

"Bullshit," Tim replied.

"If you want to believe that," Jason chuckled. 

Dick felt sick again. He agreed with Jason, for reasons none of them should ever know

And then Tim caught his eyes and the look behind them made Dick for a second consider if Tim did remember that night. But then Tim looked down and crossed his arms, mumbling something to Cass that Dick couldn't understand, but Duke seemed to find incredibly funny. 

"That needs to be bleeped," Cass said.

"Come on, it's not even that outrageous, Jason has said way worse shit on camera," Tim replied and Dick decided he didn't even want to know what Tim said this time.

-

Tim left the shoot directly after finishing filming. He couldn't deal with this anymore. While he was painfully aware most of the other sidemen probably knew he wasn't as straight as he sometimes claimed, partly because he himself has admitted it several times before, and he never used to mind it. Not until that night.

Now just the thought made him want to jump off a cliff. 

If any of them would ever find out about that he was sure his life would end on the spot. Especially if Dick would ever find out.

He felt somewhat bad about keeping this from Dick, thought that maybe Dick should know, but at the same time he knew Dick would only regret it, that he would be better off not knowing about this.

-

Kon and Bart kept looking over to him during the movie. He pretended he didn't notice it. He knew he had been acting off ever since that shoot, hadn't really know what to do.

"Timmy?" Bart said, after 70 minutes of unbearable silence, which was so extremely uncommon for the trio. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Tim replied, maybe a little too fast. And then a little more quiet, "Nothing."

"You can talk to us, you know," Kon said. "We won't judge."

Tim nodded. "It's just something I need to work through on my own."

"If you say so," Bart mumbled. "Don't let it eat you up. I know how you can get."

Oh god, did Tim wish he could tell them about this. He wished he could tell anyone other than Steph about it, someone that was there in person to hug him and hold him until it felt like it would all pass by.

And even more he wished the night had never happened.

Once the movie was over Tim grabbed a wine bottle from the kitchen and disappeared into his room, calling Steph.

The phone rang three times before she picked up. "What did he do?"

"Why do you always assume it's about him?" Tim asked, opening the bottle and drinking straight out of it. 

There was the sound of a closing door from the other end of the line and then she said, "When it's not about him you text me before calling."

"I hate that you know me so well."

"I'm the only reason you're functioning," she replied.

He sighed. "You are. Wanna come to Gotham this weekend?"

-

"They're definitely fucking again," Jason said, in the car on the way back to their place. They had visited Tim's flat earlier when Steph had announced her surprise visit. Tim did seem less surprised than them however.

Dick felt his stomach twist, knowing exactly why Jason thought that. It had been all that was on his mind the entire night. "Who are?"

"Tim and Steph," Jason replied.

Dick raised an eyebrow. "You think so?"

"Bro, they're sleeping in the same bed," Jason shot back. 

Dick really hoped he wasn't going to throw up in the back of an uber. 

"We used to sleep in the same bed when I stayed at yours."

Jason actually rolled his eyes at him. "That's so different."

"Why?" Dick felt his voice slowly leave him. Usually he was a good liar, he really was, but after looking at Tim and Steph being everything he could never be with Tim, all day long, he felt too worn out, too tired to be able to put up his usual effort.

"First of all, we're not fucking gay," Jason said. Dick's stomach flipped for what felt like the hundredth time that car ride. "Secondly, we're not exes."

"Tim said they're just friends now," Dick said. He wasn't even convincing himself though.

Jason rolled his eyes. "You and Kori are still  _ friends _ . Doesn't mean you still sleep in the same bed, does it?"

Dick slowly shook his head. He felt tears building up behind his eyes and he had never been so glad to be in a dark car.

"Kon and Cassie don't share a bed. Damian and Rae don't share a bed."

"They probably didn't even when they were together," Dick said. A weak attempt at a joke but at least Jason let out something similar to a laugh. "You're probably right."

Jason hummed. "Can't blame them. They're both objectively good looking."

"You wanna fuck Tim?" Dick asked. It was meant to be a joke, but he knew his voice was close to breaking so it probably didn't come out the way he wanted it to.

"Nah dude, just saying Steph's lucky," he replied.

Dick could only nod.  _ Yeah, Steph's really fucking lucky _

-

When Steph came back into the room from her shower, Tim was already laying in bed, covered in a blanket and on his phone.

Steph's hair was still wet and she was wearing shorts and a tanktop and Tim wanted to cry at the sight. It felt so reminiscent of the old time, back when they had been in love and everything had been good. It had been so much easier.

"Dick was staring at you a lot today, you know?" Steph asked, putting her hair into a quick bun, before grabbing her phone from the nightstand and attaching the charger.

"Don't do that," Tim replied. He held up his blankets so she could slide in next to him. "Please don't give me hope."

She only nodded and laid down, immediately wrapping her arms around him and pulling his head onto her shoulder.

Tim thought back to all the times he had fallen asleep like this, wrapped up with her, just them against the world. It had always felt like they would be in love forever. But High School romances barely ever lasted, he knew that.

"You think there's a universe where we're still in love?"

She nodded. "I think there's many."

"Why do we have to be in this one then?"

And then there was a long pause. They both didn't say anything, their breathing slowly getting in sync. 

The only light in the room was coming in through the windows. It was never fully dark in Gotham. But Tim thought he liked that, liked being able to see his surroundings even at night time. Liked knowing that behind his walls was an entire city that would keep moving no matter what happened to him. It calmed him in a way not many things did. Not even alcohol.

"What if I don't get over him?" Tim asked.

"You're going to get over him," Steph replied. "And if not, I'll buy you chocolate chip cookie ice cream and overly sweet red wine for as long as you need it."

He didn't know if he wanted to cry or laugh. 

"I love you," he whispered. "Please don't ever leave."

She smiled, her hand moving into his hair, nails scratching his scalp the way only she knew he liked. "As if I ever could."

They fell asleep not long after.

-

Steph stayed for the weekend and Monday night Tim immeadiatly found himself back in Dick’sbbedroom with the same Vodka bottle they had started two weeks prior. It felt ironic in a way Tim thought, how this was somehow the closest thing to comfort he would get without Steph here anymore.

"So," Dick said. "You and Steph, huh?"

"What about us?" Tim asked, looking up from his phone and directly at Dick.  _ Did he think they were a thing again? _

Dick shrugged. "Seems like you're back together."

Tim wanted to laugh. He also wanted to cry. This wasn't a conversation he was prepared to have and definitely not one he ever wanted to have.

"I love her," he said, thinking about how to word what he wanted to say. He had never talked about his relationship with Steph to anyone other than her. He had never needed to because it had never mattered to him what people thought was going on with the two of them. "I love her more than I have ever loved anyone. More than my family, even. But I'm not in love. Haven't been for a while, and neither has she."

Dick didn't say anything for a moment and Tim just wanted the ground to swallow him whole.

"I couldn't imagine being that close with any of my ex girlfriends," Dick admitted.

Tim shrugged. "I spent six years with Steph. She knows me better than anyone else. Even when we were still together she was always my best friend  _ and  _ my girlfriend. And it's not like we broke up because of a fight or anything, just didn't have the butterflies anymore."

There was another silence.

"So you just share a bed and then do nothing?" Dick asked.

Tim shrugged.

"If you were anyone else, I would say that's the most painful story of being friendzoned I've ever heard," Dick chuckled.

Tim almost laughed at the irony of that. The really painful friendzone story was them two, and Tim wanted to scream that out, wanted to tell Dick all those things he had been keeping to himself for months now.

But instead he just nodded as Dick asked if he wanted another drink.

-

“Ok what the fuck is going on?” Jason asked, putting his herbal tea down on the counter and leaning back against the fridge, crossing his arms. He was wearing loose sweats and a shirt that Dick was sure belonged to Roy.

Dick raised an eyebrow, the bowl of cereal in front of him almost untouched. “With what?”

“I don’t kow,” Jason shrugged. “The boy who is currently sleeping in your bed?”

“Nothing,” Dick replied. 

Jason laughed. “Dick, I have known you for years, I have known Tim for almost just as long, I know when something is up. I might not be the smartest person here, but I’m not fucking dumb.”

Dick sighed.  _ Maybe you are the smartest person hereI. _

“Tim and I hooked up,” Dick finally said. “Two weeks ago. You spent the night with Artemis, he was here, we got drunk and it just happened.”

Something in Jason’s eyes changed but Dick couldn’t quite place it. He didn’t seem surprised, at least not quite.

“So, that’s a thing now? You and him?” Jason asked. He wasn’t judging. Dick almost wished he would. Maybe that would make this easier.

He shook his head. “Tim doesn’t remember it happened.”

“And you didn’t tell him?”

Again, he shook his head.

“You’re an idiot,” Jason mumbled. “Could have at least told me you liked fucking dudes.”

Dick shrugged. “Didn’t know until I realized I had the hots for Timmy.”

Something in Jason’s eyes changed again, a small smile setting on his lips.

“What?”

Jason nodded towards the kitchen door. “I’ll take this as my inventation to leave.”

Dick’s head turned around so fast his neck hurt and suddenly his eyes met Tim’s.

Tim who was standing in his kitchen door with messy black hair all over the place, in the shirt he had taken with him the day this had all went to shit, with those tiny black shorts he wore that Duke had bought him as a gag gift for a video but Tim had yet to stop wearing much to Dick’s dismay. 

“Coffee?” He whispered and before Dick could register what was happening Jason got a mug and purred in the coffee he had already made, pushing it into Tim’s hands and leaving the room in silence. 

“Morning,” Dick whispered.

“Hi,” Tim replied, taking a sip of his coffee. “So, you remember?”

Dick nodded slowly. “Sorry, I should have told you.”

“I mean, I didn’t tell you either,” Tim replied. “Was scared you’d freak out and never talk to me again.”

“I wouldn’t do that, “Dick replied. His cereal was long forgotten.

There was another long moment of silence.

“You’re not getting the shirt back,” Tim finally said. 

“Wasn’t going to ask for it,” Dick replied. “You look good in it.”

A deep shade of pink filled Tim’s cheeks and Dick realized how truly in love he was with the boy.

“Kiss me,” Dick said.

And Tim did. It was exactly like the first time, slow and gentle but with enough certainty that Dick knew Tim meant it. 

“Do you actually like me?” Tim whispered.

Dick nodded. 

“You’re a fucking idiot.”

“Is that any way to speak to your future boyfriend?”

Tim’s mouth dropped open. “B-boyfriend?”

“I mean, if you don’t want-”

“Boyfriend,” Tim replied. “I’d like that.”


End file.
